protecting kids from parents' negative emotion..

"Renzo, mummy felt really upset this morning because you didn't even bother to finish your breakfast on time, you know that we are rushing for school bus every morning, how can you take your own sweet time to eat while watching TV?! How did you feel when I didn't chat with you, wait for school bus with you, and wave at you when you got on the bus?!! I will probably feel sad for the whole day but I guess you don't even care..."

This was part of a message I left to Renzo on our daily communication book at home this morning.

Yes that's what I did after sending Renzo downstairs to take his school bus at 645am in the morning. I went back straight to the study room and wrote that message to him, so that he could read it when he's back from school around 2pm. I was feeling weary, crotchety, and sick to my stomach. The notebook was covered in scrawls and squiggles. For a second I paused and thought that pouring my negative emotion onto Renzo in such a way, potentially can ruin his day, but I couldn't care less, because my day was valready ruined by him!!

After taking a few minutes to recompose myself, I went straight with my morning routine - 20 minutes of Korean drama watching, yes I am a huge fan but I don't watch in front of kids, so usually I can squeeze out 20 minutes during breakfast to catch my favorite show. And guess what? 20 minutes later, I wrote another message to Renzo. And this time, I managed to tidy up my handwriting without me noticing that at all.

"Dear Renzo, mummy felt sorry for not chatting with you, not waiting for school bus with you, and not waving at you when you got on the bus. I LOVE YOU!! But please think about what made me feel and act that way? I do hope you can be more considerate and focused in the future, as you know we have to rush for school bus every morning..."

I thought I would be angry for the whole day and I blamed Renzo for that, but the actual fact is, I felt as if the whole world is on my side again after I've done something I enjoy doing. I realized I was so out of my mind 20 minutes ago, not because Renzo might have caused the bus driver to wait for him because he was too slow in finishing his breakfast, and in actual fact, his school bus only arrived about a minute later after we went downstairs, but probably, I was upset because I spent time and efforts to prepare his breakfast and he didn't even finish it, which made me feel less appreciated. But seriously, if he were to read the first message I left for him, how would he react? I might just demonstrated to him that it's alright to vent his anger on others by writing people a note.

We spent so much efforts each day, turning every unpleasant situation in life into learning opportunities for our children, in hopes that they would grow up with emotional intelligence to cope with different challenges in the world. But if we parents, are not careful about letting our emotions escape out for our kids to internalize, they will struggle to learn how to regulate their emotions and interact with others appropriately.

To end the story, Renzo hugged me and muttered "I am sorry Mummy" when I reached home at night after work. And I saw the notebook with his reply to my request on being more considerate and focused during breakfast, he wrote: "Yes I will do that (or at least I will try)",

After all, neither of us had the day ruined by our little episode in the morning.