Father Forgets that you are but my baby...

Thanks to my 4-5 hours sleep a day body, I find myself looking out the window from my seat, staring down at the clouds below while everyone else in my row were nodding away, deep in their sleep. My business flights on planes without in-flight entertainment (no thanks to Tiger Air) oftentimes gives me those moment of solitude outside of my house when I can quiet down and reflect on myself.

Just hours ago, I had picked up a book from the bookstore. It is the international best-seller, "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. I used to own it about a decade ago, but gave it to a close colleague of mine as a farewell gift when our careers parted ways.

So here I was, rekindling the love I had for this book... perhaps the only book I voluntarily read from cover to cover more than once. Seventeen pages in... and already I was emotionally shaken by the book. It was a piece by W. Livingston Larned, which back then didn't mean much to me, but now, pens down my guilt.

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FATHER FORGETS
W. Livingston Larned

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Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guilty I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, " Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What it is you want?" I snapped. You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.

And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs. Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me?

The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arm, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

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I am guilty for all the negatives pointed out and as Larned puts, I have been measuring Renzo by my yardstick, an adult standard. Renzo's youthful innocence and his ability to love me shows through in almost exactly how it is worded, with him creeping up to me after a lecture just to give me a great big hug both as an apology for not reaching my standard of him, and also as a relief to receive a hug back from me.

Have I forgotten that my proper manners were learned from mistakes?
Have I forgotten that my capacity for self control was acquired not long ago?
Have I forgotten that my independence was built up from failed experiences?

I focused my gaze back at the runway that we were fast approaching and decided to write this post before I headed for bed because although Daddy is a 2-hour flight away from you, Renzo, Daddy misses you and wishes for your forgiveness.

Remain the boy who's fits of laughter bellows down our halls and remain the boy who finds joys in the silliest of things, because then, and only then, can you learn about yourself and define your own yardstick, one which measures your life, not anyone else's.

Striking "Reading" off Renzo's list of things-to-master

As the final week of the year approaches, sitting here in my bedroom with the kids sound asleep in their's, the overwhelming feeling starts to creep onto me. The very fact that my Renzo is no longer the newbie primary school kid and is well on his way to the second year of his formal education (not to say kindergarten wasn't formal but heck, there weren't grading of the sort that gets anxiety levels up). Actions and reactions that were pardonable shall henceforth be dealt with more severely as my expectations of him being a responsible member of society increases.

But in any case, I can now consider myself a proud parent of a kiddo who has conquered a graded exam in what I might come to consider as flying colors, topped with a congratulatory letter signed off by our minister to encourage the little guy to strive and least maintain his level of academic competence.

Having said that, somehow or other, I must admit that Renzo should get most of the credit as he is really quite an independent learner. For example, just a couple hours ago (as of writing this post) while I was reading the biography of Jack Ma (it is a great read by the way), Renzo was beside me reading his "Dragonworld" fantasy book out aloud. Distracting as he was, it allowed me to listen in on his reading skills and when he masterfully deepen his voice, liken to a medieval story-monger, and regurgitate mythical terms like "Snaggle-Toothed Mountain" and "Glacier Caves of the Antarctic Snow Dragon"...my gosh, I could hardly believe this was the very same kid of mine whom just a few years back was all giggle-filled when whizzing and tooting to the likes of Thomas train and friends.

With a figurative warm tear of happiness rolling down my cheek, I can safely pat Mummy Chan's back and say,"With all the worries that comes with parenting, at least independent reading is one that we can strike off the list."

Now where on this long list is 'reading'... hmmmm....

5 tips to creating conducive learning environment at home..

Parents nowadays spend tons of money outside their child's school hours, at tutorial centers, enrichment classes and even indoor playhouses, they look at what different programs the place has to offer, how good the teachers are, how many sessions their child need to attend in order to show improvement, etc, etc. However, in the hustle and bustle of the hunt, parents often forget that the best place for their child to start learning is always - the home.

No doubt that teachers in school can teach both academic and social needs, but the home environment is most crucial to reinforce and retain the concept as children spend most time at home with their parents. With that in mind, it's no surprise that the number one favorite topic Daddy Chan and I share most often, is how to create a more conducive learning environment at home for the boys, and here are a few tips from us after much exploration and experiment.

1. Always have a routine
If you search the keyword "routine" or "timetable" on Renzo's blog, I guarantee it will return highest amount of posts, that's often I emphasize on it.  We foster routine by introducing a timetable since Renzo was a baby. Now that he's in Primary One and spends his every afternoon at home with helper, I can tell he's benefiting so much from a great routine. He memorizes his timetable by heart and can pretty much stick to it without much supervision. With a proper routine, it's easier for children to develop self discipline, which is key to developing great learning habit. We always tell Renzo, to have good self discipline now, he will enjoy more freedom in the future to choose the kind of lifestyle he enjoys. 

2. Set up the positive mood
A few months back, I read an article about how this mummy changed the family's habit of watching TV after dinner every night, into reading/playing together instead, simply by adding a "book wall'" in the living room. I shared that article with Daddy Chan and immediately he agreed to take some actions. Well it's not some major renovation in the house, but we do need to make a decision to let go our sofa in the living room, which means it's going to be rather inconvenient for guests. But I love what Daddy Chan said, we design our home based on our daily needs, we don't prepare our home for guest visits.  So, there goes our 3-years-old sofa, and here comes our new favorite piece of furniture in the house, a giant 2.3meter x 2.3meter IKEA bookshelf! To fill it up full is harder than we expected. I thought we have quite a substantial amount of book collection at home, considering we have 3 bookshelves before getting this huge one, one in each room. So after this small make over in living room, we still have the TV and the boys still watch their educational programs in living room as usual, however, they do spend more time reading, especially Rynus who didn't really show much interests in books in the past.

We also have flashcards wall in kids room, where we hang up flash cards and amazingly, a new set of card may stay on the wall for a few weeks, and without anyone noticing it, Rynus managed to pick up those words by himself. All he did was to stare at the cards, flip them from front to back, and back to front, again and again..

So that's what I meant by positive mood in their environment. You don't need to force them to learn, you just give them an environment that motivates them to learn. 

3. Make room for creativity
I was inspired by an online video to create this "weekly family wall calendar". Renzo has a timetable to follow on routine tasks daily, so I thought it's quite a cool idea to have this wall calendar which allows us to track our individual goals throughout the week. Nothing beats modeling behavior when comes to parenting so I really like that now the boys also get to see what Daddy and Mummy are up for. This also encourages Renzo to incorporate some of his creativity in artwork into his daily plans.

4. Make school activities relevant 
Finding a continuity between what kids learn in school and at home can help build the character of loving to learn. Renzo has a section of his bookshelf dedicated for any book that is relevant to school curriculum. We also display his test schedules and even his spelling list, so he knows when and how to get himself prepared at home.  Rynus is still young to map out his own plans for the day, but we still can use this wall calendar to track his major school events. He will have great sense of accomplishment seeing how "busy" his week is, just like his daddy, mummy, and elder brother's.

5. Change it up
Once a while, Daddy Chan and I will hold conversations about what need to be changed, or added to the boys' home environment, that can accelerate their intellectual development. Be it hanging up a new Multiplication table on the wall, or adding a new reading chair in study room, or a clearing away an old writing table that they've outgrown from. Changing up physical environment which they've been used to for some time already, gives them something new to look forward to and makes them excited to learn about other things.

Our next biggest challenge, is to provide them with separate study corners with minimum distractions by the time Rynus enters Primary School. Both Daddy Chan and I used to share study table with our own sibling and there's just too much distractions, I still remember telling myself I would study hard if I get my own table when I was young. So it's our priority to separate the boys once they both need a proper area to study. Yes we have slightly more than 2 years to work on that! 

In the end, the most important thing to remember in making the home conducive for learning is to let the love be visible and felt. A loving and supportive environment is what makes the home the best place to learn.