we don't need a perfect child...

During Renzo March school holiday, I treated him and my older niece to Universal Studio and it's a super fun day for all of us. My twin sister and I have very different personalities and being the most adventurous and sporty one in the family, she was having so much fun with her girl, my elder niece. They tried on every single ride in the theme park. And just that horrifying Battlestar Galactica roller coaster itself, they went on it for 10 times!

Renzo and I stayed away from most of the rides. Well I admit, the previous time when we visited USS with Daddy Chan and Rynus, the 4 of us went on the "Puss in Boots" ride without knowing what to expect, and boy it scared us out of our wits, except for Rynus who seemed to enjoy it. So I do know where my limit is, and of course Renzo's too.

Renzo was not attracted by most of the rides there, he's rather happy with the "Accelerator" which is the spinning whirling twirling "cups", nothing fast and furious. He had rounds of good silly laugh watching a live Donkey show, rather kiddish, yes I know that. And he surely prefers the Easter Egg painting time, or simply chasing after bubbles, or taking pictures with famous cartoon characters. For the entire afternoon, he's roaming around the park solving Easter Egg treasure hunt questions. He spent a good 2-3 hours trying to locate all the hidden eggs and by the time he got all his answers correct, he's all sweaty and exhausted but the bright smile on his face, was simply priceless!

So I happened to read an article today on parenting, in Chinese, it says.
敏感的孩子有艺术气质，有极为丰富美丽的内心世界；胆小的孩子懂得判别危险，逻辑性往往很强；好动的孩子体力充沛活力无限，行动力和勇气往往都很强。
It basically explains the different concerns parents have for their children, and interestingly, out of the 3 major concerns, it relates Sensitive = Artistic; Timid = Logical; and Active = Courageous.

Well this is very interesting because we have noticed the homely, introvert, sensitive personalities in Renzo since young. He's definitely sensitive, but he has this knack for drawing, he is observant, detailed and creative in his artwork. He's definitely timid, but he's super logical, he stays away from danger and knows his limit.

Very often, after viewing a video clip or a bunch of pictures of my nieces' achievements, be it that the older niece won a medal in her Taekwando competition, or the younger niece managed to cover a 5 meters distance in her roller shoes, subconsciously, I start to ask myself this question, "even the girls are so actively involved in sports, how about Renzo?". It's not to say that doing sports is a must but no doubt, it helps our kids to grow strong both physically and mentally.

But after reading the article, I start to feel less concerned about Renzo. Sensitive, timid, or active, are supposed to be great virtues in kids but often, we adults see them as problems. And why? Because we compare with others!

We often hear from fellow parents that we should let our kids participate in more outdoor activities, give them more exposures, but likely, those parents are extroverts who can see the importance of such activities and, those introverts like us, won't even speak up and voice their opinions probably. So while parenting our kids, we gradually fall into this trap where we set high self-imposed standard. Whatever other kids can do, our kids should be able to do, whatever other kids cannot do, our kids can at least try!

From the poor kid's perspective, who knows they might be struggling with giving up their own unique sense of self in order to comply, and be the child whom the parents would adore? When I feel it's a battle to convince Renzo to learn swimming, some other kids might find it a piece of cake to self teach the skill by dipping in the pool every other afternoon, but then, who knows their parents are not struggling with getting them sit still in front of the desk and finish reading a 10 pages long story book
 
We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we’d done it ourselves.  But sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. Because in the short term, we might celebrate over little milestones our kids achieved, but we know that what will matter as they turn 25, 35, 45, is not how perfect they once delivered a speech during a class show and tell, or whether they made it to the final round of singing competition, but how they treat others and what they think of themselves. I rather see Renzo building his own character, confidence, strength and resilience, through any form of exposure he enjoys, experience the pride that follows and come out stronger, than to force him to do what we parents think is good for him. Again, as one of my favorite parenting philosophies goes: “Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.”