My dear baby, I LOVE YOU!

Apr 12th, it is a very special day to Mummy Chan and baby Renzo. I found myself a new job, and started working on the 12th, which is the day my dearest Renzo boy turned 8 months old.

I am proud enough to announce to the world that I've been staying at home and looking after my precious boy (of course with the help of Aye Aye) for exactly 8 months. Isn't that awesome? At least I think so! Because most of the mummies only have about 2-4 months with their newborn, before they have to return back to work. But we are just lucky that I can stay right in front of my computer at home for another 4 more months (after my official 4 months maternity leave), cook every dinner for the family and prepare every meal for Renzo, at the same time get my pay cheque of same amount every month.

But such a wonderful situation can't last forever. I need to work not just because we need a better income (which is also for the benefits of Renzo - see how many pieces of clothes I got here for him at one go, LOL), but also because I do not like the feeling of being disconnected from the rest of the world. In the past I did considered about being a SAHM (stay at home mother), and in fact my "work from home" routine pretty much gave me a clear idea about the life of SAHM. I enjoyed it, really! Being able to see Renzo's smile first thing in the morning, get most fresh fruits, fish and chicken meat for him at wet market, and laugh together with him at all times are something a FTWM (full time working mother) could never ever afford. But, I have to put a full stop to all these from Apr 12th onwards, and get myself adjusted to a standard 9-6 job routine quickly.

I do not really have much time to think about him at work, but on my way home, my mind is full of questions about whether he eats well, sleeps well and plays well at home. Recently I can feel a huge change in him. He is not excited anymore when he sees me at night, instead his eyes follow Aye Aye wherever she goes. Although I still bathe him, and feed him at night and in the early morning, when I talk to him, he seems to be in his own world and simply ignores the existence of his mother. Somehow I have this strong feeling that he is angry with me, because I am not embracing him with my warm arms after his every morning wakeup nowadays. That really really breaks my heart, even though I jolly well knew that this will be the consequence of me returning back to working world from the moment I accepted the job offer. I hope the situation could change but I do not think there's really much I could do about it. So no matter how tired I am, I will ensure to spend every minute of my time with Renzo during weekends.

I love you my dear son, I really really do!