less than 15 days to Primary school

TIME FLIES!!!

In just less than 15 days, Renzo is going to kiss goodbye the childcare center he's been attending daily from 7am to 7pm (well to 5:30pm for his case), and enter the next stage of his life, Primary School!!

It's a bitter sweet moment to witness Renzo putting on his graduation gown and Mortar board cap, as I told him, this is the only time in life when he could put them on without working really hard, LOL. We do feel excited for him to move on to his official, compulsory education in school but, the preschool years are just too good and how we wish he could be surrounded with such great friends, teachers and environment all his life!!

Anyway so, how's Renzo's preparation for Primary School?

Well, looking at my checklist:
- School bus arrangement (nope I am not worried that he doesn't know his way home)

We've paid deposit on his orientation day, but the vendor has not contacted us so far to confirm timing. I would probably give them a call if I do not hear from them by the 28th.
- Lunchbox / Water bottle (nope I am not worried that he doesn't know how to feed himself well)
I am cutting myself some slack here as for the 1st week of school, we plan to let him buy his own food, as there will be buddy system arranged and another kid from upper primary is supposed to bring him around. So yes I still need to work on lunchbox ideas, and probably buying 1 more lunchbox as those we have at home, are either too big, or too small, or doesn't come with a divider inside. As for water bottle, he can use his current one but it's a little too kiddish, so let's buy another one for him following his form teacher's advice, small and light, as water coolers are everywhere in the school.
- Wallet (nope I am not worried that he doesn't know how to manage his finances)

He received one from his friend's birthday, it will work but it doesn't work the best. We can take our time to source for better one with a separate compartment for coins.
- Labeling (nope I am not worried that he doesn't know how take care of his own belongings)

Can I say this is the most annoying challenging thing to do, among all 101 Primary School Preparation Tasks we need to work on? I've lost count of ideas to label our kids' stationery, water bottle, bag, books, etc. Yes some parents really label every single pencil and eraser for their kids. Nope my parents didn't do that for me 30 years ago and I do not see why I need to do that for my kid now. We've only put name stickers on his books and wrapped with plastic covers. There are about 3 books with odd shapes and sizes so we still need another trip to Popular bookstore for some wraps. And I didn't make Renzo write his names since we have some leftover name stickers we bought when we were preparing him for childcare (gosh my eyes are tearing again talking about his wonderful preschool). Anyway, he knows how to write well and it's not an exam or a contest, so I don't find it a biggie even if I need to write for him. As for his stationery, I have no plan to label them one by one. Well, let's just say, anything that is "unlabelled" ones, belongs to Renzo!? Cool?!!

Wait a minute, what was my question again? Is Renzo school ready? Why am I showing you MY OWN checklist here?! But you see, I'm just trying to say, I don't have any worries though there are still a ton of things I need to sort out before the actual day comes.

So yes, Renzo can't be more ready for it!

I meant all he needs to do, is to be there and embrace the new environment. After his 4 years of preschool life, which requires him to wake up daily before 6:30am, get to school by 7am and spend a whole day there with his teachers and friends, having 2 meals, taking 1 shower and 1 afternoon nap, how can he not be ready?!

He's learned all the academic skills, social skills and survival skills he needs and of course I know Primary School life is going to be very different, I'm very certain he will do just fine. Because each time I think about something new he needs to face on his own, I realize the childcare has taught him enough skills to handle it independently. And most importantly, families lay the foundation for a feeling of security. The family is the base from which the child learns to face and cope with the anxieties of life. For that, I have absolute confidence as we've done all we can, and all we need to be his safe harbor.

Due to the year end holidays, Renzo has no more Piano and Global Art lessons till January 2016. So the last 2 weeks of December, are truly for him to enjoy at his childcare center. In fact, after his graduation concert on December 03, most of the kids in his class have stopped going to childcare. And by now there are less than 8 of them, out of the original 27, who still goes there daily. He asked us if he could stop school earlier like most of his friends, we explained to him that we would wish him to continue till the end, since he has already formed a great routine and it's definitely not the right time to break it. At the same time, he doesn't have any academic studies to work on now, instead, all he needs to do in school everyday, is to help teachers taking care of younger kids. Oh yes Renzo is "in charge" of the K1 class, he reports misconduct to teachers and in the afternoon, he also helps to bring younger ones from Nursery or Pre-nursery to the loo.

Looking at this most recent picture taken in school during Christmas celebration party, I'm amazed to realize, sitting at the back in a dark green top he picked for Christmas party, grabbing onto his toes, Renzo is like a grown up who's so comfortable and well blended into the culture there. Yes he's now one of the eldest in his preschool, ready to be one of the youngest in his new primary school, in another less than 15 days, how TIME FLIES!

effective communication with children

Last night, Renzo and Rynus were playing happily together with a new easel our friends bought as an early Christmas present for Rynus. As there are 2 sets of magnetic letters, they were sharing them happily and the conversation went:
Renzo: "Rynus didi can I have the letter A please?"
Rynus: "Yes sure.."
Renzo: "Thank you Rynus didi!"
Rynus: "You are welcome!"

It went a few rounds and as hubby and I were having our dinner and watching them at the same time, we enjoyed the kind tones from the boys which were so pleasing to the ears.

But suddenly, Rynus changed his mind and decided not to share his new toy with Renzo anymore. You can imagine what happened next. We had one busy Rynus who's trying hard to put all the letters on the easel (so nothing is left for Renzo), and one upset Renzo who collapsed on the floor with an angry face. I tried to calm Renzo down and encourage him to ask again later or offer to exchange his other letters with Rynus to get the letter he needs. But that didn't work at all and it only made Renzo even more frustrated. Worse still, Renzo's frustration got rubbed on onto Rynus and made him even more unwilling to share.

After I attempted one last try to ask the same question to Rynus again in the softest voice I could ever have, and got rejected by him, I decided to change my "strategy". I went closer to Rynus and said to him,
"Rynus, you know that Renzo korkor needs the letter 'E' and since you have 2 of them, do you think you can share just one of them with him? Otherwise he will be very upset, so do you think you can help to make korkor happier by giving one of the Es to him?" 

Immediately, Rynus took down BOTH letter Es on the easel and passed BOTH of them to Renzo.

I was pleasantly surprised that my changing in strategy, by making the right choice of words actually worked on Rynus. As I often mentioned, Rynus has rather high emotional intelligence so I know that by relating to him and helping him understand the impact of his behavior to others, might work better than giving him commands and instructions forcefully and expect him to follow.

So yes, the way we talk to our kids has a huge impact on their learning and ability to listen to us. I've mentioned many times that being a positive role model is the key to successful parenting, and the way we talk to our kids and people around us, fits right into this category, and it also shows them how we want them to speak back to us and people around them too.

Basically there are 3 different ways that parents communicate with their kids.
1. Aggressive way, often yelling..
2. Passive way, muttering softly..
3. Assertive way, positive, warm, consistent and firm..

Obviously I am trying to tell all parents who are reading my post, the 3rd way is by far the most effective way I've found. It even works well with Renzo who's still learning to control his own emotions well. So it's a daily habit for hubby and I to check with Renzo, "How's school? What is one thing that made you happy in school? And did anything happen that made you upset or unhappy?".

These questions might sound simple and maybe even insignificant, but they invite him to open up, let him know we are really listening. These questions also help us to acknowledge his feelings and encourage him to respond with a specific answer. Not just that, believe it or not, effective communication leads to happier kids! Yes Renzo used to be rather grumpy and somber but now, he's perennially sunny. And I strongly believe it's because we put in a lot of efforts communicating with him, understanding his feelings and helping him feel connected with us.

Once we were having a conversation about "fierce looking people", so we asked Renzo if there's anyone he knows who has a fierce looking face. Alright, personally I was expecting an answer like "nainai" from him, sorry my beloved mother-in-law but yes, you do have a fierce looking face, in my eyes, oops..  Renzo responded, "Let me picture the person's face in my mind and think about it, hmmm, nope, no one looks fierce to me at all, everyone has a happy face!!"

His response means the whole world to me!!

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."

trust our children, always..

Last week, Renzo completed a "benchmark" test for all K2 kids conducted in his childcare for all 3 subjects including English, Chinese and Math, and it's meant for the school to use as a benchmark in order to assess and improve their school curriculum. He did pretty well as expected, all thanks to his dedicated teachers in school and of course, he has put in efforts in his daily studies for sure. 

 After the test, I briefly asked him if he feels good about his performance, and when we touched on the "oral test" part, he mentioned that he went through some reading test which consists of both sight word reading and passage reading.  He then commented, "The sight words are so easy, even the nursery kids can read those!" Well nursery kids, that reminded me one thing, Rynus is going to nursery next year!! "Wow Renzo so that means your Rynus didi will be able to read those words next year!" I exclaimed!. "Of course! Even now, he could read those words!" Renzo announced proudly! "He just refuses to do it but he surely knows!".

I wondered for a while, "But how do you know that Renzo? How do you even know didi is able to read then?" I asked, Renzo replied instantaneously, "He's such a smart baby, don't you know that mummy??!!"

Wow I was almost moved to tears and yes how would I not know that. But when it comes from Renzo, who's merely 3 years older than Rynus, it's a totally different experience!! It's like, when we praise him and encourage him to do things, we only expected him to get motivated and feel confident about himself, we totally didn't anticipate he would apply that kind of faith in others, you know what I mean?

Honestly think about it, how often do you hear from other parents:"My kid? that rascal? Don't expect me to trust him/her, he/she sure cannot make it!".. I understand many parents are just trying to be humble so I hope they really don't mean it.

And seriously, I was really impressed with Renzo's thoughts towards his brother, and to certain extend, I do believe he's influenced by the positive parenting style we've been trying to adopt at home. I do see the resemblance between Renzo and us, in terms of the way we think and talk. Like many other parents, we encourage our kids to perform their best at their own pace. It's just like how we trust that Renzo wants to be successful, Renzo wants to do us proud, Renzo wants to learn, and Renzo wants to find his path, he has the exact same beliefs and faith in his little brother Rynus too! And he doesn't just believe in Rynus, he also tries to find ways to lead by example, just like how we try to lead by example at home when bringing Renzo up too. I do think this kind of influence, will eventually foster more positive and healthy emotional health in kids.

And in fact, just a few weeks ago, one evening, Rynus was not willing to follow our instructions so we decided to send him to the thinking corner for some self reflection. He's a rather stubborn kid, he seldom throws tantrums but if he refuses to budge, he can plant his feet down on the floor and nobody can move him, not a single inch. Renzo looked into the little bro's eyes and growled, "You are making daddy and mummy angry, if they are just angry, it's not a big problem because it's just for a while, but if you still do not listen, you are going to make them disappointed! That is much worse than making them angry you know!!" I was amazed by how much Renzo understands his (and Rynus') behavior actually affects us, the most important people they trust in life.

I feel really glad that we choose to trust our kids in every aspects. The Chan family does not introduce any reward system to encourage kids to behave better, because we believe they will do well, even without any prizes. We do not set any limitation on TV time as long as they are watching educational materials, because we want them to learn self-control and stop watching when they do not feel like watching. And we never take away their favorite toys to punish them and hope that it will motivate them to behave better, because that will only leave them feel miserable and unsafe.

So yes many times they seem to go against our standard and detour, but thank you Renzo Chan, for proving to us that we've made the right choice to have full faith in our children. You showed us that you have high expectation on yourself and you trust your family too, we will definitely continue to understand, support and accept you to find your gifts and talents, and lead a happy life the way you want to!

Primary One Orientation walkthrough

Last Friday, on November 06, we brought Renzo to attend his Primary One orientation and as he's our first born, everything was so fresh to us.

About 4 days before the orientation day, we received a letter from his primary school, indicating his class name and enclosing a set of forms to fill up and submit during orientation. I am glad that some of the tips I read online about what to expect during P1 orientation, are indeed very useful. Different schools might have different set-ups for the orientation program but here are a few things I would like to share with fellow parents who's going through this process for the first time like us.

1. Bring along all the duly completed forms provided in the school letter envelop
We brought along the below required document and submitted them to the teachers at the school foyer upon arrival on the orientation day. Make sure you have all the forms properly filled up so to save some time settling the administrative work.
- a Pupil Data Form (with sample provided)
- a GIRO form for school fees
- a National Library membership registration form
- a consent form for in-school dental treatment
- a declaration form on pupil's health situation
- a name tag order form for iron on name tags (for school uniform)
- a book list (there are certain compulsory items on this list and you can use highlighter to highlight things you want to get from the book supplier if you do not want to buy everything on the list)

2. Bring along required stationery for your child
I think it's pretty common for school to assign some simple tasks to kids during orientation, Renzo was required to bring a set of colored pencils, pencil and eraser. True enough, he was tasked to complete some worksheets and color some pictures when he followed the teacher to his classroom.

3. Give your child a wallet with some money
Kids followed assistant teachers to tour around the school after they met up with their form teacher in their designated classroom. And they were asked to purchase food/drinks at the canteen. Renzo didn't buy anything as he claimed he was neither hungry nor thirsty. But knowing our son well enough, I think he was more interested to observe what's going on and by the time he figured out what's going on, maybe a little too late to use his 2 dollars in his wallet.

4. Pack your child's belongings in to a small backpack
Besides the stationery and wallet, a small (light) water bottle and some tissue paper should be good enough. Make the bag light and avoid dumping everything into a pencil case. We've seen some other kids doing that and while they were asked to assemble at the hall, many kids just left their pencil cases on the floor, though I am not sure if anyone has lost anything, I was quite certain that those kids have higher chance to get up from the floor and walk away without bringing along their pencil case. Also do not be the super dad or super mum who carry everything for your kid. Because you have no clue when they will be asked to follow the teachers to classroom, and you don't want your kid to be the odd one with empty hands, walking around to borrow stationery from new friends. Renzo's small little backpack served him well and when he's hassle-free, we are worry-free.

5. Be prepared to be separated from your child
Yes get yourself prepared parents!! I've not seen any crying kid but I've seen so many parents who were getting their first pang of primary school separation anxiety, of course I was one of them. Luckily Renzo was well prepared by his childcare teachers and he told me later on, he knew what to expect from his primary school visit during K2 days earlier this year. And seeing all the kids holding hands and walking around the school with big cheerful smiles, I think most of them are coping very well. I guess part of it is also because they do not have much idea about what to expect, by the time Primary One starts in next Jan, maybe they will feel the pinch too as they know they need to be all alone in school for hours without daddy or mummy around. So you definitely want to let your kid know prior to the orientation day, that they will need to be away from parents for a couple of hours, and they might be required to sit quietly and wait at times, but assure them that you will be hugging them right after the orientation.

6. Remind your child to make friends and try to remember at least 2-3 friends' names
Renzo is the only one from his childcare who's attending this Primary school. Unlike many others who stay nearer to their childcare and ended up in the same primary school, Renzo has to make new friends in his Primary school all over again. He told us that he's talked with 2 other friends from his class but he couldn't remember their names. What a pity! We should have reminded him to introduce himself and ask for his friends' names. It's not something compulsory but it definitely brings them closer together and makes us less concerned.

7. Divide and conquer
We spent the first hour listening to the talk at the hall by school principal and guest speaker, while Renzo and his classmates followed their teacher to their classroom. And after the talk, all parents were ushered to respective classrooms to meet the form teacher. On a side note, I do love the school so much for the fact that the pupils in school helping out on that day, are so polite and attentive. When we walk around the school, we were greeted by them and basically in every 3-5 meters we get to see one of them so there's no way we can get lost!

So while Renzo's form teacher was going through some slides about class rules, I told hubby to stay for that and I went ahead to the sports hall, to join the sneaky woot-I-got-here-before-other-360-parents queue for purchasing of school uniforms and books. Yes that's what I mean by divide and conquer because this is the only time you need to queue. And as expected, I was the first parent to arrive at the sports hall. And within 5 minutes I've settled the school bus arrangement.

The suppliers selling books and uniforms are rather strict so they only allowed me to purchase from them after 1030am as per school's instruction. But being the first in the queue, it was a breeze to get school books purchased. I didn't really strike off anything from the book list, since this is our first time, I didn't see the point of saving a few bucks here and there, instead I just purchased whatever that is needed on the list. All books are nicely packed in a box and they do accept cash, nets or credit card. Later on while we were wrapping his new books, I noticed the files are all printed with school name so I was glad I didn't skip those just because we have plenty spares at home.

The uniform supplier side is a little trickier as we need to wait for the kids to finish their school tour, so that they could join us and take measurement, otherwise it's a bit hard to select the right size of uniform and shoes though I am sure many mummies are like me, who has this amazing ability to get everything in correct size without our kid's presence. We purchased one pair of black shoes (yes it's a bonus for boys to have school shoes in black!!) since we know he probably will outgrow them soon and there's no point to buy so many pairs though they are rather cheap (15 dollars a pair). And we bought 4 pairs of socks, like what many other bloggers mentioned, socks from school are of pretty good quality so I think it's a good idea to get a few more pairs. Renzo wears the smallest size of uniform (26) just as expected. We got him 3 sets of uniforms and 2 sets of PE uniforms, though I've heard in some schools, because of the frequent CCA activities, pupils wear PE uniforms more often than their school uniforms. Anyway I think it's alright, we can always get more sets in the future if necessary.

8. Bring enough cash
The uniform supplier and school bus driver do not accept any cards, so prepare enough cash! We spent 100 on school bus deposit, 150 on books, and 85 on uniforms, shoes and socks. So you can do your maths.
 
9. Keep a look out for the active parent in class
While waiting for the orientation to kick start, a daddy with his son in the school uniform approached us. Parents were organized to sit according to their child's class name. So this seasoned daddy was quick enough to approach every parent from Renzo's class, for our contacts, so that he could set up a whatsapp chat group, talking about modern parents and modern technology! He told us because his elder boy is in the same school so he knows how this works, fair enough! And if you do not get to meet such a pro-active parent, you may consider taking the initiative, either by preparing a piece of paper for everyone to sign on, or spare 30 pieces of your name card and distribute to parents, give them the option to text you if they need to be added to the class whatsapp group.

10. Relax and enjoy!
Yes I know our child is embarking on a new milestone in less than 60 days from now, it's inevitable for parents to feel excited yet anxious during this period. But trust our kids, they are meeting new friends and learning new knowledge, and the school is a place they will be spending the next 6 years of their life in! So let them embrace and enjoy! Of course sometimes the air around some experienced parents who were going through this whole P1 orientation program for the 2nd, 3rd or n's time, are "scary" enough to stress you out. So relax and remain the calm and cool parent and your child will be just fine!

learning is fun when we do it together..

I want to start the post by sharing this quote from Gary Chapman, the famous author of The 5 Love languages series.

“Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank.’” -Gary Chapman

Since Renzo turned 6 recently, I've noticed quite a bit of change in his behavior, in a very positive way. I mentioned he was a little confused and distracted for the past half a year, and based on my research it might be related to growth spurt around the age of 5.5, when some kids start to have stronger self awareness and develop this trace of rebellion in them. 

At the same time, I also did some self-reflection and realized what Gary Chapman mentioned here, about filling up the kid's emotional love tank, is so important! With a lot of changes at work place this year and a rather aged body, I often couldn't commit for enough quality bonding time with the kids at home. Throughout this year, Renzo has developed strong interest in building Gundam models and often for the whole weekends, as long as we do not have plans for outdoor activities, Renzo is seen hiding in his room for hours, building Gundams with his daddy. They talk in the funniest way ever but most of the time, I could barely understand their topics. I'm not complaining at all and indeed I'm really grateful that Daddy Chan is bonding so well with Renzo. Believe it or not, nowadays he seldom raises his voice and Renzo reacts promptly to his instructions. I just wish I could be more engaged with Renzo's daily activities and I told myself, there must be something Renzo could enjoy doing together with mummy, besides rolling on the floor and watching cartoons or running around the playground together.

The first challenge I took on was baking as Renzo requested to learn how to bake a heart shaped cake. He was jumping for joys when I cut out a smaller heart shaped sponge cheese cake for him to decorate. But boys being boys, I can't expect him to spend his weekends in the kitchen with me. So I was determined to find out something of his interest instead and drawing tops the list immediately since that's my favorite hobby since young too.

It's really rewarding to see Renzo feasted his eyes on this wedding portrait sketches I drew recently. And when I explained to him about how to create different kind of effects with different types of sketch pencils, I could see the sparkles in his eyes! 

And the following day, he started designing Gundam models using 8B pencil instead of the usual HB ones he uses, yes it's absolutely amazing observing him trying out different pencils to create the result he wants! I am super proud that I could "connect" with him through drawing and honestly sometimes, I am not sure if I am the one inspired him, or the other way around.

Another new skill I am trying to pick up in order to have better bonding with Renzo, is PIANO!!

Yes that sounds totally insane! I remember one of the reasons we stopped sending Renzo for piano lessons at Yamaha, was because of the fact that one parent is required to sit in for the lesson with kids below 6. And I found that a rather torturous experience as both Daddy Chan and I have no interest nor talent in music. Never in my life ever have I thought about learning music as it's simply not my forte. I mentioned in a post before that once Renzo completes his Grade 1 prep test, we will let him make the call on whether he would like to continue with his piano lessons. And when I read the positive and encouraging comments from the examiner about his performance during the prep test back in September, I had a feeling that he's capable of playing it well but just need a little push as it's not really something he's extremely interested in. So I was secretly hoping that Renzo might put in more efforts in practicing if I am doing that with him together.

I went ahead with my self learning journey by following an online piano tutor. After getting familiarized with the basics, I then requested Renzo to be my teacher and since then, I joined him for every practice session. There's no more "practice daily for 15 minutes" rule, instead, we have this "musical goal" to achieve each time we both sit in front of the piano together, which is to make sure he teaches me well enough till we both can play the same song, four hands together on piano. It's often a challenge for us both, but Renzo has definitely gained confidence through his teaching experience. Sometimes this impatient teacher could leave the mummy practicing alone while he takes a short break on the sofa.

I must say it really requires a lot of efforts to pick up a new skill at this age though as an adult, I have highly developed logical and critical thinking skills as compared to kids, but learning piano is not just about being able to absorb complex concepts, it's about practice, practice and practice too! To play this simple and easy piece of my favorite Pachelbel's Canon in D, I probably practiced daily for 15 straight days and sometimes I spent a quick 30 minutes and on days when I do not have other agenda, I can practice up to 6 hours. Yes I am serious, it's that difficult for a rookie like me. Even Renzo "allocates" time for me to use his piano and he once commented, "You are still not able to get it right? But you are not giving up on your Canon in D right?!"..

By learning piano together with Renzo, now I totally get to understand his struggles because I too have difficulties getting my right and left hand synchronize, and I too have to pause for seconds or even minutes to figure out what those "tadpoles" on the music sheet represents, and of course, I too have wished the keys on the piano are clearly labeled with alphabets just like my computer keyboard.

So yes it's more work than telling Renzo to practice for 15 minutes a day, but in the end, this will be much easier than the agony of forcing him to adhere to the mandatory 15 minutes of meager, unmotivated efforts. After all, children might close their ears to advice but open their eyes to example! Learning is more fun and enjoyable when we get to do it together!

Little man is 6, happy birthday Renzo Chan!

Today, August 12, 2015, our little man Renzo Chan, who is responsible for making us Dad and Mum for the very first time in our lives, has just turned 6!

I often tell people I dote on Renzo a lot because it's so hard to give birth to him!! Yes read my labour story here and you will know why, 17 hours of labour with no painkiller, assisted with vacuum cup with high chance of emergency c-section, made me believe that I have no reason to bring him up with tough loves while enduring all his grumbles about a mummy who often refuses to budge, instead I wanted him to think of me without any fear or uneasiness, but just love and smile.

But in fact, I know I dote on him a lot because of many many many other important reasons.

At the age of 6, he may still be somewhat uncoordinated and gawky physically, he's riding a bike with training wheels and he has not tried his first swimming lesson which I secretly wished to start 3 years ago. But he's definitely growing up very well just as the way we would expect and want him to be.

I love that he is very inquisitive and is always willing to learn new knowledge (not really on the new skill part though). We started coaching him at home since he was about 10 months old when we discovered he's capable of learning new things very fast, and he had never really struggled with that. He can spend hours studying a new topic such as Jurassic Period or Outer Space. Well once a while yes he might dread to practice his piano, which obviously he has no flare nor interest in. But never a time he refuses to prepare himself for his weekly spelling or 听写 tests. He often spends less than 10 minutes for that and passes with flying colors the next day. And recently he's been telling me not to help with his spelling anymore as he feels what he learns in class is sufficient for him to handle that. And here's a test he did without any preparation. The last sentence with a star, is a random one from his teacher which is not even on the spelling list. We were truly blessed that he's very easy to guide and reacts very well with our way of coaching at home. He set a great example and raised the bar really high as our first born, and influenced his younger brother in a very positive way.

I love that he has eyes for details on everything that he's interested in. Friends who know me well often comment that I am a very observant person and he's only better. He often surprises us with details that no one has ever noticed. He could ask for a cup of milo and a few hours later, share with us about the expiry date of that sachet and the powder to water ratio required to make the drink, which he read on the sachet before throwing it away. And after hearing the story about how Daddy got injured in a hotel bathtub, he penned the story down in his own words and although he spelt a few words wrongly, Daddy was impressed that he didn't miss out any important details.

I love his perseverance in doing his tasks, although not all but definitely those he enjoys doing. Last week before Daddy went on a 2 days business trip, Renzo promised to try out drawing his favorite Gundam model before Daddy returns. Unfortunately the model is way harder for him to handle as compared to the usual cars or animals that he draws often. So he completed about 1/3 of it after 2 nights of hard work (about 20-30 minutes each night). But when I talked to him about his promise to daddy, he decided to try harder and 3 more nights later, tada, he did it!

I love that he is a sensible kid by nature. Renzo is no where near defiant by my definition and standard, though sometimes he could go a little overboard when things do not go his way. But most of the time, he is an obedient child who understands the boundary between right and wrong, and is willing to listen although we do not play the authoritative parenting style by forcing him to follow our instructions just because we are the parents. His relationship with his little bro isn't perfect at this moment but when he's tasked to borrow 2 books for didi, here's what he got for Rynus:

I think he put in quite a bit of efforts to choose something suitable for didi's age. In his eyes Rynus is a small baby wearing diapers who doesn't really communicate well. Hence the "Do you wear Diapers?" and "Boat and Bath (sharing sign language with your child)" books for him, bravos for being so thoughtful Renzo korkor!!

I love every bit of our little man though I know he still has a lot of room for improvement. Anger management is something he needs to work on seriously, as he gets easily agitated for minor issues, for that I can't really blame him much as I was exactly the same as a kid. But with positive influence from Daddy Chan, I've changed to a better person with great temper 15 years ago and I am sure Renzo will improve over time too!

Even though I look forward to seeing what the age of 6 brings him, as it's another milestone because he's going to enter Primary School, at the same time, he may even develop a bit of rebellious streak around this age. My heart still aches seeing him growing up fast and being more independent, because that also means he is not going to cling onto me like before. Well I am not complaining, I just wish he could still be generous with his hugs and kisses towards us when he grows up to a teenager, or even an adult! 

Happy birthday our dear little Renzo Chan, enjoy being 6!! Loads of love from Daddy, Mummy and Rynus didi!!

Ending this post with an "Essay" from Renzo about what he wishes to do when he grows up. I got the idea from the famous Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech so I decided to let Renzo write about his dream on the day he turns 6, and for us, all we wish is to support him in whatever way we can for his dream to come true one day! 

Renzo gets an earful from Daddy Chan

Standing by our main door, staring down at a timid Renzo, I was still catching my breathe after giving Renzo an earful for not holding onto his promise... He was holding back tears of fear, I was holding back tears of disappointment...

The day before was day one of the long weekend, the Jubilee celebration of Singapore's 50th year of independence. He would usually clear his schoolwork after breakfast, but this day, he didn't. Mummy Chan and I didn't persist. Then came this morning, after breakfast, he didn't fulfill his promise to Mummy of finishing them and instead came to me to play with him. Obligingly, I did, but only after we sat down together and planned out his activities for the day.

Renzo's Racing Car Drawing

Whipping out a piece of paper and a pencil, we began to scribble down the things he wanted to do for the day. Then I decided to take it one step further, and told him to decide how long will he dedicate his time to each activity and then to order them chronologically:
- (2 hours) Build Honda NSX 2005 (a model racing car kit)
- (1 hour) Do homework
- (11 minutes) Practice piano
- (13 minutes) Draw..... 13 minutes?... really?
- (1 hour) Play with LEGO
- (1 hour) Play at the playground (he even had a contingency plan that if it rained and the slides were wet, he'll opt for the swimming pool instead)
Looking at this, we can all pretty much tell the proportional "love" he has for piano :P

Model Kit Shopping with Renzo

So with that, I accompanied him into his room and began snipping and gluing pieces of his model kit together with him. And after 2 solid hours, when it was time for him to do his homework, he sulked and refused to do his work. I picked up his books, closed them, and walked towards main door where his bag is usually found, telling him that I gave him the opportunity to do his homework, and if he didn't want it, then fine, I won't give him the chance to do it. And when he came running after me to get his books back, I started to tell him how upset and disappointed I was.

Unfortunately I had to go out to meet up with Mummy (who was outside throughout this whole ordeal), and I simply left the books on the table, hoping that after a little self-reflection, he would complete them himself without having us to beg him to.

As I was narrating the incident to Mummy in the car, I was doing self-reflection myself. And I came to realize how similar Renzo's behaviour, responses, likes and dislikes mirrors mine. From the rapid blinking and stammered speech when in fear, to the fascination with plastic model kits, to the preference of basketball over soccer.

Kids learn best from examples and their best learning tool about life are parents. And with Renzo, I believe at this point, his shortcomings are perseverance and focus, perhaps two of my greatest shortfalls too. I always tell people around me that the best wives are the ones with the best husbands, and I believe the same holds true for kids in that the best kids are the ones with the best parents.

So to educate Renzo about these issues, I would most definitely have to overcome them myself first. And with that, I'll have to inspire myself with quotes from one of the greatest men of all time, Albert Einstein,
Of perseverance, "It's not that I'm so smart; It's just that I stay with problems longer."
Of focus, "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."

I guess the best place to start is to focus on Renzo and persevere until he grows responsible and discipline enough to take care of himself.

Renzo the little origami fan..

Origami, the art of paper folding has proven to be so much more than just a beautiful craft idea. One of the amazing things about origami is that you can take a flat piece of paper, and turn it into a three dimensional object. This type of manipulation helps children understand spatial reasoning. Daddy Chan has always been great with origami. He teaches Renzo how to fold heart shape for making birthday cards, he folds Santa Claus when Renzo prepares Christmas present for gift exchange, he also surprises Renzo with origami lantern using red packets. Renzo is not too good at art & craft, which isn't a bad thing to me, at least I do not need to worry about where to store a giant school bus made with cupboard though I know that's an absolutely brilliant creation by some kids. He only likes - Origami areoplanes!

Renzo was rather obsessed recently and tried out many different paper planes by following an origami book we bought from Daiso long ago. Sometimes he needs help from Daddy but most of the time, he's having hours of fun with it on his own. He brings the folding experience to a whole new level when he decorates his planes by drawing patterns, coloring them or even giving them different names.

So Daddy was rather amused at how much Renzo enjoys origami and decided to get him another book with more patterns. Unfortunately, Daiso is not carrying any such books and we ended up at Popular. Renzo picked this "Robot Gami" book and I heard from Daddy it's pretty expensive, but we didn't hesitate, after all, as long as Renzo enjoys it. Little did we know at that time that this is a tad too difficult to follow, not just for Renzo, but for us too.

We ended up spending hours figuring out how to fold these little robots. Daddy even gave up after a few rounds, and the most difficult piece took me 1 hour 20 minutes on my 3rd try. Yes the first 2 times I gave up at step 17 out of those 49  soul-destroying steps. Did Renzo make any attempts? Nope not really, he said this is really too difficult for him to handle. But he definitely did a great job in memorizing the robot names.

Then I started getting requests from him "to fold robot 344" at 6am in the morning. And a few times I ended up joining daddy to send the boys so I could continue folding during our 10 minutes car ride to school. Of course Renzo being Renzo, who is not too good at taking care of his "toys", handed out 2 robots on the first day to his good friend, a few more on the next day to his buddies. Let's just say, he simply has no compassion for my... poor fingers. But, you cannot deny that these little "creatures" bring him closer to his friends to certain extend. And guess what, I've decided to let him bring "robot gamis" on his first day of school next year, when he enters Primary 1, as ice breakers for him to make more friends easily in a brand new environment! Now, it's time to fold a few more to make sure I keep my skills sharp till then!

Happy Father's Day ~ 2015

I realized this is the 3rd time I writing a "Happy Father's Day" post.

I did it once in 2013, and another time in 2014. So, this time I am going to keep it short, really short..

Here's a father's day present from Renzo Chan, he's asked to draw "something that keeps Daddy happy" by his childcare teacher. And knowing his dad extremely well, Renzo drew a picture of himself watching Daddy playing basketball at the court/playground. Daddy has been bringing Renzo along for his basketball games recently and no doubt, basketball always keeps Daddy happy!!

His form teacher always has super creative ideas when comes to artwork. So here's his "super dad" present for daddy and Renzo said it took him many days to prepare it. 

He also spent an hour during his art lesson at globalart to make this present. Lucky daddy!!

Last but not least, here's a little tribute from Mummy Chan, on behalf of the boys, to thank Daddy for his tremendous help in the past 6 years! I believe the very reason why the kids are growing up healthily and happily day by day, is because Daddy Chan always allows me to shower our boys with all my love and care, or even "spoil" them the way I like, but he sets the rules and boundaries and enforces those the best he could. And on top of that, the best gift Daddy Chan gave to our boys, is all his love and care for their mummy, yeah.... I know I am blessed!!

So, to the best daddy for my boys, the only thing better than having you as my husband, is our kids  having you as their daddy!! Happy Father's Day!!

prepare our kids for primary one..

June 11. 2015, it's just another normal Friday morning, I was preparing to set off for work while Daddy Chan came home with a letter, after dropping the boys at their childcare center, he looked absolutely overjoyed...

The letter was from our #1 choice of Primary School we've been planning to register Renzo with, informing us about details on Phase 2B registration. No there's still no guarantee that he will be able to get in but at least, we earned ourselves a chance to parent volunteering, before participating in Phase 2C with other schools.

During the past few years, while I've been spending a lot of time reading up on parenting tips, I did came across many tips on how to prepare our kids for primary school. And I could easily name a few such as:
- teach kids to ask for permission
- train kids to buy food and eat faster
- build their confidence and get them familiarized with school
- teach kids to relay information between school and parents
- teach kids to take care of their own belongings (eg: school bag, books, stationery, money..)
- etc, etc...

But be it from the experts, professional educators, or experienced parents, there's one most important tip that appears on every single checklist, that is:
- Get kids into a proper ROUTINE

Yes this is the one and only one thing I've been working on so far, and probably for the next 6 months. I do not really want to touch on the rest of the tips as I think Renzo has been doing a great job so far on all those areas, and I strongly believe once the routine is built, he will be able to manage the rest of the stuff well, on his own.

Renzo has been following a pretty good routine, yes he has a time table to follow daily since baby time. So that's nothing new to him, but the difference here is, he has been attending full day childcare since he was 19 months old and with great teachers around, it's not that hard for him to follow instructions and do what other kids do at the same time. But starting next year, he's going to spend the entire afternoon at home after school. I need to make sure he allocates his time properly so that he could get his home work done, have enough time to play, and rest. Of course I could come up with a new time table for him by then but I feel, he should be independent enough to handle all by himself this time round. And that way, probably it's also easier for him to stick to his own scheduling, take his own initiative and complete his tasks proactively.

As a first step, I asked him to help me out with re-organizing his books. I wanted him to participate so he could get a better idea about what type of books he has and whether there's anything he could pass down to his little brother. It's a way to train him on taking care of his own belongings too. The two had quite a bit of fun arranging their book shelf and Renzo even found his "7-piece-puzzle" which kept him busy for quite a while afterwards.

So, this was how his book shelf looked before, with English books at the top left, Chinese books at the top right, Rynus didi's books at the bottom left, and activity/assessment/educational books at the bottom right. It's not very hard to tell that the boys really do not have a lot of academics related books, and they are not asked to do any of those assessment books so far. I always believe in getting them into a good reading habit than doing assessment books. The marking of answers is a big turn off to kids and I don't see how it encourages kids to learn knowledge. Some of such educational books, like the phonics reader set I got for Renzo, he almost never touched them at all, instead he proceeded on to read long paragraphs independently. And I believe being able to read well, will definitely stimulate and broaden their views, and allow them to do better in comprehension and composition.

We bought a small book shelf to be placed in the living room, so that all academics related books, together with his paper for drawing and origami, oh yes I've not mentioned he's super obsessed with origami aeroplanes recently, he doesn't just fold them, he decorate them with colorful drawings and even stickers too. So besides all these, he's allowed to choose 5 books from his "old" book shelf in his bedroom, and migrate them to the "new" book shelf in living room so he could read them once he's home. This might not sound anything brilliant, it's just books after all, so why bother? Well to me, there are a few reasons.

Firstly, kids will form a routine to read when they are surrounded with books. Renzo's book shelf is in his bedroom so most of the time, he only thinks about reading books before his bedtime. By putting some of the books at the living room, it increases the chance of him reaching out to one when he's roaming around the living room.

Secondly, I want him to be responsible and strong in decision making. I am pretty sure he would pick his first 5 favorite books, along the way, he might find some of the books a little boring, but hey, suck it up boy! I meant, deal with it, that's your decision so you just have to own it. And what I hope to see is that at the end of the day, he will learn from his "wrong decisions" and make wiser choices in selecting the books he wants to read.

Last but not least, whatever Renzo is doing, is going to have an influence, in this case a very positive one, on his Rynus didi. It's tested and proven, we just have to do this together with him again, it's a new milestone for him and for us, and once he gets used to it and have a good start, it will be easier for us to go through the same with Rynus next time!

It is said that it takes approximately 21 days to build a habit. And for kids, so far based on my own experience, it probably just takes about 72 hours, yes that's only 3 days for them to realize they are expected to do certain things in a routined way. Sticking to it is tougher but it will only get easier along the way, and I am sure we will enjoy the ride with Renzo!

piano lessons, to continue, or not?

I am not sure if it is fated, somehow Renzo's piano learning journey has not been very smooth from the beginning. Since September 2012 till now, it's been almost 3 years and he has changed 4 teachers. First 2 from Yamaha music school and he followed them for a total of 6 months, just to learn music appreciation so he left Yamaha without being able to play a single piece of song. And after a 6 months break, he followed a home teacher for another 1 year, made some pretty good progress in terms of learning to read notes and getting the rhythms right with proper counting. And then we switched him to Ossia Music School for one on one lessons since last December. In a way, I am totally not impressed with Renzo's progress thus far. 3 years of learning is definitely not a short period of time but despite being able to read notes independently, his playing is still, nothing much to be shout out about...

According to the teacher Ms Yvonne, Renzo's progress is rather fast for his age, as he could read notes well. Well, what I love this school the most, is that the teacher communicate effectively with us through the record book. The first 3 months, I've been hearing all praises and Ms Yvonne has also recommended to let Renzo take the Grade 1 Prep Test which is going to happen this September. But recently, more often than not, I got the feedback that Renzo has not been practicing well, which is 100% true. We tried out many methods to encourage him, but often he's dreading his practice each week and we see an unhappy Renzo spending an hour in front of his piano, with probably the first 20-30 minutes whining about how difficult it is to play especially when he's required to use both hands. We all know that for sure, either Daddy nor I had learned how to play piano before and, we have no plan to pick it up moving forward, simply because, it's just too difficult!

So we fully understand Renzo's pain, it's not easy, it's never easy and it will not get any easier. But it's not meant to be easy anyway.  To encourage him to take up the challenge, I even learned a simple piece in less than 5 minutes from Daddy Chan, don't judge me on my hand posture, skill, or rhythm, I did this simply to prove to Renzo that as long as we are willing to, anyone can pick up anything new and difficult even if we know nothing about it.

Another effort we've made to get him into a better practice routine, is to shorten the practice time. Instead of letting him spend a full hour on a Saturday morning once a week, we make sure even if it's just a short 5 minutes, he MUST, touch his piano on a daily basis, no matter how busy his schedule is. I am glad that the boys have long formed this great routine after they are back from the childcare. So by 8pm they are all free to work on any kind of activities and sparing a short 5-15 minutes to practice piano, is not a problem for Renzo at all.

He seems to enjoy this routine much better as I keep reminding him that he's not required to sit down and practice each and every piece of song since he has ample time to do it the next day. And the result is almost immediate, because the following week, he received 3 stars and a "very good" comment from his teacher. He perked up and regained his confidence, and of course, is willing to practice more.

Just a few weeks ago, all of us were struggling to make a decision on whether we should continue his piano lessons, since obviously, he's not too interested, nor very talented in that. And back then I told him that I do not wish to see him easily give up on it just because he finds it difficult, and I believe if he practices more, he will master it and find it easier slowly. And since he's committed to go for his Prep Test in September, we will only bring up this topic and make a decision after he's done with the test, be it he passes or not, we will respect his choice about whether to continue his lesson or not, of course, provided he could justify for himself.

For now, I am hoping that the new routine will change his attitude towards piano practice and boost up his fighting spirit to conquer it, and hopefully, to continue with his lessons and enjoy the learning experience!

Ending this post with a cheeky video of Renzo practicing his piano and yes he's been pretty cheerful recently when he's asked to practice every night, so I am pinning much more hope than before that he would continue his learning journey happily and carry on with this only one real enrichment we sign him up for..