Renzo is teaching us to be better parents

Since Rynus started going to full day childcare, I've changed their daily routine, instead of having my in laws fetch Renzo and my helper fetch Rynus on 2 separate trips, I rush down to their school by public transport, and take a taxi to bring the 2 boys home every night.

We have been meeting different taxi drivers, some love kids and chat with the boys happily, and even allow them to eat some snacks in the taxi, (Of course I make sure to bring those without crumbs, and yes they need snacks or else, you will see a grumpy Rynus sitting on the floor at the middle of the road and insisting to cross the road only when red light is on), some are rather quiet but that's perfectly ok, it's just a short 10 minutes ride anyway. And interestingly both of my boys have learned to tell the drivers our destination once they get into the car.

A few weeks ago, there's this one night, I had to rush back to office after bringing them home, so when we are approaching our car park, I told the taxi driver, please drop the kids off so my helper will bring them up, and drive me out to the nearby MRT station, so I could take a train back to office. The driver responded in a not so happy tone, "Why you never tell me earlier??!!"

So last night after we off the light, Renzo brought up this incident to discuss with me, he asked:"Mummy, that uncle is not friendly, were you angry with him?!" I explained that of course I'm not, it's my fault that I didn't tell uncle about the plan when we first got into his taxi, because I assumed the MRT station is not far away so it shouldn't cause any inconvenience to the driver, which apparently, I was wrong and the driver was rushing to change shift.

Then, I started to share a bit more with Renzo about anger management, or rather say emotion control. I told him, if mummy was angry with the uncle, I might start complaining to everyone in the house about it, or worse still, I might get agitated easily with people around me, that includes Renzo of course. Then how will he feel if he gets blamed easily just because mummy is not in a good mood?! He agreed with me that he will not feel happy for sure, hence he's glad that I didn't get angry with that uncle. 

I then further explained that everyone might have their own ups and downs, we cannot control others, but we can definitely control our own emotions to make sure we do not spread any negativity to people around us, especially those who we truly love. Yes I'm using all those "complicated" terms in front of my 5 years old. Kid's brain is powerful enough to digest and absorb so I always make sure I talk to him as an adult. 

Anyway so, I continued to ask him:

"Have you ever seen daddy and mummy quarreling with each other?"

"No mummy.." 

"Have you ever seen daddy and mummy shouting at each other?"

"No mummy, never.."

"Then have you ever seen daddy and mummy getting angry with each other?", I asked that questions *proudly*, because hubby and I are always very loving as a couple, we don't need to put in efforts in front of kids just to show the better side of ourselves..

To my surprise, he paused for a second and responded, "I'm not sure mummy. There's once when we need to go out and buy food, you couldn't find your wallet, and daddy said it's ok he has cash, you said but, you need the card in your wallet, in an ANGRY tone... ..."

Gosh, that happened at least a month ago and I was so desperate because we need to send Renzo for his piano lesson and go to NTUC to get milk powder for Rynus. I needed my NTUC member card for points accumulation so paying with cash like what hubby suggested, won't address my problem, Renzo needed to go for his lesson so I wasn't able to take my own sweet time as usual to locate my wallet. So, I snapped, for that 1 minute, till daddy found my wallet left in his car. I then quickly apologized to both daddy and Renzo because getting a little irritated is not my usual behavior in such situation. I still remember how sorry and ashamed I felt at that time.

But honestly, I never expected Renzo to remember that incident at all. And seriously, I always think I'm quite a calm and steady mummy but even a small action like this, could end up with negative impact on my kids. 大人在做，孩子在看! If you are the type who often loses your cool in front of your loved ones, it's time for some serious self reflection.

As I always share with others, kids, are our mirrors. When you look into the mirror and see a dirty face, don't rush to find ways to wipe the mirror clean, take some time to check if your own face is dirty and need to be washed or not... 

I feel so touched and hugged Renzo tight, I thanked him for teaching me to be a better mummy. Yes my kid has taught me so much over the years. All his teachers feedback to me that he's slow in doing everything, even his newest teacher from GlobalArt who's been teaching him for only a month, commented that he is SLOW! It took him 4 lessons to complete a color chart before he could move on to his coloring book and free drawings, I assume other kids can do that within 2-3 lessons. Renzo told me he's just slow because he can't do things well if he has to rush. I've learned through him that kids have their own pace which they feel comfortable with, rushing them to catch up with our pace might lead them to questioning their own identity and ability, why not just watch them and adore how they focus on carrying out a simple task patiently which we as parents, often don't have the luxury of time to do slowly. 

Renzo has also been sharing with us that when he was at Rynus' age, he felt scared and upset when we had to raise our voice and discipline him, so he cried often. And now, whenever we have to do the same to Rynus, Renzo will remind us immediately, "Please, do not get angry with Rynus didi, be softer, cannot shout at him! You will make him cry if you are so loud to him!!".

But of course, we are ALLOWED to raise our voice to Rynus once a while, if, and only if, we are angry and Renzo is angry with his little brother at the same time! LOL...