learning is fun when we do it together..

I want to start the post by sharing this quote from Gary Chapman, the famous author of The 5 Love languages series.

“Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank.’” -Gary Chapman

Since Renzo turned 6 recently, I've noticed quite a bit of change in his behavior, in a very positive way. I mentioned he was a little confused and distracted for the past half a year, and based on my research it might be related to growth spurt around the age of 5.5, when some kids start to have stronger self awareness and develop this trace of rebellion in them. 

At the same time, I also did some self-reflection and realized what Gary Chapman mentioned here, about filling up the kid's emotional love tank, is so important! With a lot of changes at work place this year and a rather aged body, I often couldn't commit for enough quality bonding time with the kids at home. Throughout this year, Renzo has developed strong interest in building Gundam models and often for the whole weekends, as long as we do not have plans for outdoor activities, Renzo is seen hiding in his room for hours, building Gundams with his daddy. They talk in the funniest way ever but most of the time, I could barely understand their topics. I'm not complaining at all and indeed I'm really grateful that Daddy Chan is bonding so well with Renzo. Believe it or not, nowadays he seldom raises his voice and Renzo reacts promptly to his instructions. I just wish I could be more engaged with Renzo's daily activities and I told myself, there must be something Renzo could enjoy doing together with mummy, besides rolling on the floor and watching cartoons or running around the playground together.

The first challenge I took on was baking as Renzo requested to learn how to bake a heart shaped cake. He was jumping for joys when I cut out a smaller heart shaped sponge cheese cake for him to decorate. But boys being boys, I can't expect him to spend his weekends in the kitchen with me. So I was determined to find out something of his interest instead and drawing tops the list immediately since that's my favorite hobby since young too.

It's really rewarding to see Renzo feasted his eyes on this wedding portrait sketches I drew recently. And when I explained to him about how to create different kind of effects with different types of sketch pencils, I could see the sparkles in his eyes! 

And the following day, he started designing Gundam models using 8B pencil instead of the usual HB ones he uses, yes it's absolutely amazing observing him trying out different pencils to create the result he wants! I am super proud that I could "connect" with him through drawing and honestly sometimes, I am not sure if I am the one inspired him, or the other way around.

Another new skill I am trying to pick up in order to have better bonding with Renzo, is PIANO!!

Yes that sounds totally insane! I remember one of the reasons we stopped sending Renzo for piano lessons at Yamaha, was because of the fact that one parent is required to sit in for the lesson with kids below 6. And I found that a rather torturous experience as both Daddy Chan and I have no interest nor talent in music. Never in my life ever have I thought about learning music as it's simply not my forte. I mentioned in a post before that once Renzo completes his Grade 1 prep test, we will let him make the call on whether he would like to continue with his piano lessons. And when I read the positive and encouraging comments from the examiner about his performance during the prep test back in September, I had a feeling that he's capable of playing it well but just need a little push as it's not really something he's extremely interested in. So I was secretly hoping that Renzo might put in more efforts in practicing if I am doing that with him together.

I went ahead with my self learning journey by following an online piano tutor. After getting familiarized with the basics, I then requested Renzo to be my teacher and since then, I joined him for every practice session. There's no more "practice daily for 15 minutes" rule, instead, we have this "musical goal" to achieve each time we both sit in front of the piano together, which is to make sure he teaches me well enough till we both can play the same song, four hands together on piano. It's often a challenge for us both, but Renzo has definitely gained confidence through his teaching experience. Sometimes this impatient teacher could leave the mummy practicing alone while he takes a short break on the sofa.

I must say it really requires a lot of efforts to pick up a new skill at this age though as an adult, I have highly developed logical and critical thinking skills as compared to kids, but learning piano is not just about being able to absorb complex concepts, it's about practice, practice and practice too! To play this simple and easy piece of my favorite Pachelbel's Canon in D, I probably practiced daily for 15 straight days and sometimes I spent a quick 30 minutes and on days when I do not have other agenda, I can practice up to 6 hours. Yes I am serious, it's that difficult for a rookie like me. Even Renzo "allocates" time for me to use his piano and he once commented, "You are still not able to get it right? But you are not giving up on your Canon in D right?!"..

By learning piano together with Renzo, now I totally get to understand his struggles because I too have difficulties getting my right and left hand synchronize, and I too have to pause for seconds or even minutes to figure out what those "tadpoles" on the music sheet represents, and of course, I too have wished the keys on the piano are clearly labeled with alphabets just like my computer keyboard.

So yes it's more work than telling Renzo to practice for 15 minutes a day, but in the end, this will be much easier than the agony of forcing him to adhere to the mandatory 15 minutes of meager, unmotivated efforts. After all, children might close their ears to advice but open their eyes to example! Learning is more fun and enjoyable when we get to do it together!

Little man is 6, happy birthday Renzo Chan!

Today, August 12, 2015, our little man Renzo Chan, who is responsible for making us Dad and Mum for the very first time in our lives, has just turned 6!

I often tell people I dote on Renzo a lot because it's so hard to give birth to him!! Yes read my labour story here and you will know why, 17 hours of labour with no painkiller, assisted with vacuum cup with high chance of emergency c-section, made me believe that I have no reason to bring him up with tough loves while enduring all his grumbles about a mummy who often refuses to budge, instead I wanted him to think of me without any fear or uneasiness, but just love and smile.

But in fact, I know I dote on him a lot because of many many many other important reasons.

At the age of 6, he may still be somewhat uncoordinated and gawky physically, he's riding a bike with training wheels and he has not tried his first swimming lesson which I secretly wished to start 3 years ago. But he's definitely growing up very well just as the way we would expect and want him to be.

I love that he is very inquisitive and is always willing to learn new knowledge (not really on the new skill part though). We started coaching him at home since he was about 10 months old when we discovered he's capable of learning new things very fast, and he had never really struggled with that. He can spend hours studying a new topic such as Jurassic Period or Outer Space. Well once a while yes he might dread to practice his piano, which obviously he has no flare nor interest in. But never a time he refuses to prepare himself for his weekly spelling or 听写 tests. He often spends less than 10 minutes for that and passes with flying colors the next day. And recently he's been telling me not to help with his spelling anymore as he feels what he learns in class is sufficient for him to handle that. And here's a test he did without any preparation. The last sentence with a star, is a random one from his teacher which is not even on the spelling list. We were truly blessed that he's very easy to guide and reacts very well with our way of coaching at home. He set a great example and raised the bar really high as our first born, and influenced his younger brother in a very positive way.

I love that he has eyes for details on everything that he's interested in. Friends who know me well often comment that I am a very observant person and he's only better. He often surprises us with details that no one has ever noticed. He could ask for a cup of milo and a few hours later, share with us about the expiry date of that sachet and the powder to water ratio required to make the drink, which he read on the sachet before throwing it away. And after hearing the story about how Daddy got injured in a hotel bathtub, he penned the story down in his own words and although he spelt a few words wrongly, Daddy was impressed that he didn't miss out any important details.

I love his perseverance in doing his tasks, although not all but definitely those he enjoys doing. Last week before Daddy went on a 2 days business trip, Renzo promised to try out drawing his favorite Gundam model before Daddy returns. Unfortunately the model is way harder for him to handle as compared to the usual cars or animals that he draws often. So he completed about 1/3 of it after 2 nights of hard work (about 20-30 minutes each night). But when I talked to him about his promise to daddy, he decided to try harder and 3 more nights later, tada, he did it!

I love that he is a sensible kid by nature. Renzo is no where near defiant by my definition and standard, though sometimes he could go a little overboard when things do not go his way. But most of the time, he is an obedient child who understands the boundary between right and wrong, and is willing to listen although we do not play the authoritative parenting style by forcing him to follow our instructions just because we are the parents. His relationship with his little bro isn't perfect at this moment but when he's tasked to borrow 2 books for didi, here's what he got for Rynus:

I think he put in quite a bit of efforts to choose something suitable for didi's age. In his eyes Rynus is a small baby wearing diapers who doesn't really communicate well. Hence the "Do you wear Diapers?" and "Boat and Bath (sharing sign language with your child)" books for him, bravos for being so thoughtful Renzo korkor!!

I love every bit of our little man though I know he still has a lot of room for improvement. Anger management is something he needs to work on seriously, as he gets easily agitated for minor issues, for that I can't really blame him much as I was exactly the same as a kid. But with positive influence from Daddy Chan, I've changed to a better person with great temper 15 years ago and I am sure Renzo will improve over time too!

Even though I look forward to seeing what the age of 6 brings him, as it's another milestone because he's going to enter Primary School, at the same time, he may even develop a bit of rebellious streak around this age. My heart still aches seeing him growing up fast and being more independent, because that also means he is not going to cling onto me like before. Well I am not complaining, I just wish he could still be generous with his hugs and kisses towards us when he grows up to a teenager, or even an adult! 

Happy birthday our dear little Renzo Chan, enjoy being 6!! Loads of love from Daddy, Mummy and Rynus didi!!

Ending this post with an "Essay" from Renzo about what he wishes to do when he grows up. I got the idea from the famous Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech so I decided to let Renzo write about his dream on the day he turns 6, and for us, all we wish is to support him in whatever way we can for his dream to come true one day! 

Renzo gets an earful from Daddy Chan

Standing by our main door, staring down at a timid Renzo, I was still catching my breathe after giving Renzo an earful for not holding onto his promise... He was holding back tears of fear, I was holding back tears of disappointment...

The day before was day one of the long weekend, the Jubilee celebration of Singapore's 50th year of independence. He would usually clear his schoolwork after breakfast, but this day, he didn't. Mummy Chan and I didn't persist. Then came this morning, after breakfast, he didn't fulfill his promise to Mummy of finishing them and instead came to me to play with him. Obligingly, I did, but only after we sat down together and planned out his activities for the day.

Renzo's Racing Car Drawing

Whipping out a piece of paper and a pencil, we began to scribble down the things he wanted to do for the day. Then I decided to take it one step further, and told him to decide how long will he dedicate his time to each activity and then to order them chronologically:
- (2 hours) Build Honda NSX 2005 (a model racing car kit)
- (1 hour) Do homework
- (11 minutes) Practice piano
- (13 minutes) Draw..... 13 minutes?... really?
- (1 hour) Play with LEGO
- (1 hour) Play at the playground (he even had a contingency plan that if it rained and the slides were wet, he'll opt for the swimming pool instead)
Looking at this, we can all pretty much tell the proportional "love" he has for piano :P

Model Kit Shopping with Renzo

So with that, I accompanied him into his room and began snipping and gluing pieces of his model kit together with him. And after 2 solid hours, when it was time for him to do his homework, he sulked and refused to do his work. I picked up his books, closed them, and walked towards main door where his bag is usually found, telling him that I gave him the opportunity to do his homework, and if he didn't want it, then fine, I won't give him the chance to do it. And when he came running after me to get his books back, I started to tell him how upset and disappointed I was.

Unfortunately I had to go out to meet up with Mummy (who was outside throughout this whole ordeal), and I simply left the books on the table, hoping that after a little self-reflection, he would complete them himself without having us to beg him to.

As I was narrating the incident to Mummy in the car, I was doing self-reflection myself. And I came to realize how similar Renzo's behaviour, responses, likes and dislikes mirrors mine. From the rapid blinking and stammered speech when in fear, to the fascination with plastic model kits, to the preference of basketball over soccer.

Kids learn best from examples and their best learning tool about life are parents. And with Renzo, I believe at this point, his shortcomings are perseverance and focus, perhaps two of my greatest shortfalls too. I always tell people around me that the best wives are the ones with the best husbands, and I believe the same holds true for kids in that the best kids are the ones with the best parents.

So to educate Renzo about these issues, I would most definitely have to overcome them myself first. And with that, I'll have to inspire myself with quotes from one of the greatest men of all time, Albert Einstein,
Of perseverance, "It's not that I'm so smart; It's just that I stay with problems longer."
Of focus, "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."

I guess the best place to start is to focus on Renzo and persevere until he grows responsible and discipline enough to take care of himself.