Happiness, is a choice

10am, November 02, 2014, Sunday, Lift Lobby

While walking togther to Daddy's car, Renzo suddenly started whining and tearing for no reason, it could be because we were nagging him to speed up as his piano lesson starts at 1030am, and he finally got himself seated inside the car, just never stop sobbing..

Mummy: "Renzo, what's bothering you??!"
Renzo: "I don't know, I am not sure.."
Mummy: "Then can you please just stop whining??!"
Renzo: "I am trying..."
Mummy: "Renzo, in life, a lot of times we do not have a choice, I guess you might not be willing to go for your lesson but you know you just have to go for it. So why not go happily and enjoy, since you don't have a choice anyway?!"
Renzo: "Yes mummy..."
Mummy: "So have you stopped crying?"
Renzo: "Yes..."
Mummy: "Are you feeling better?"
Renzo: "Yes Mummy!"

Instead of dwelling on why he was not happy, we carried on with other topics like what we are going to do after his piano lesson. He's back to the normal cheerful boy again..

And that's it, that's the conversation with my 5 years old on a topic we discuss often recently - Happiness, is a choice! Nothing, and nobody will make you happy until you choose to be happy!

Many people, both adults and children, have difficulties dealing with emotions. So my focus this year, is not to send our 5 years old Renzo for endless enrichment classes in the name of getting him ready for primary school in another year, but to get him mentally prepared for the primary school life as an independent individual, by teaching him the virtue of disciplining himself well while appreciating his surroundings and seeing good things in others. To do that, he needs to learn to control his own emotions, which enables him to cooperate with others, to cope with frustration, and to resolve conflicts.

Children learn a lot from others and are very quick to pickup and mimic behaviors, either good or bad, that they have seen exhibited by others. So my style of emotional coaching, is always to be a good role model and practice what you preach. Besides that, I've discovered a very effective way that helps Renzo - write to him!!

So a couple of weeks ago, Daddy and I worked together with Renzo to make a mailbox for Renzo to get letters from us. The initial idea was just to encourage him to read more, and write more. We've been writing to him and we've even received 2 letters from him. Those were not love letters filled with heart shapes, those were true words of encouragement for his efforts to behave well.

Gradually, I realized when I need to play my role as Renzo's emotional coach, writing to him seems to be extremely effective. I do feel that while Renzo is reading the letters word by word, those values we want to teach him get instilled and he's trying to improve day by day in order to do us proud. Of course kid being kid, he soon forgets but taking out those letters and re-read them easily reminds him about what are the good behaviors we expect to see from him. And recently he handled 2 "bully cases" extremely well by controlling his own emotions. 

Once at the pool, he told the boy "if you keep splashing water on my face, your daddy will bring you to thinking corner!" although he could choose to yell and cry or even fight back. When the boy finally got punished by his dad, Renzo was proud to share with me that the method i taught him ~ focus on your own good behavior and not to be affected by others, is actually working!! Another time, he pulled the boy who snatched his toy car on a racing track at a toy shop, to the notice board and told him, "Can't you read? It says to bring your own car or buy one here in order to play the car on the track?! That's my car, if you want to play, ask your mummy to buy one for you!". Although eventually I needed to step in and grab that car back because the boy simply ignored my "discipline master" boy's precious advice... 

Indeed Renzo has been dealing with his Terrible-Twos-little-brother on a daily basis, and most of the time he will just give in by saying, "Rynus didi is still a baby", "it's alright", "I am not going to be bothered about him!" when being bullied by Rynus. He was just bitten by Rynus a few days back, that got him really upset and went totally out of control for a few minutes, with crying and screaming and venting his angers at his didi, but eventually he calmed down and showed me two deep bite marks on his arm, I had to absolutely agree that he had all reasons to be mad at Rynus. 

I definitely believe he's on the right track to learn self control, as parents we still have a lot to do but it's really rewarding to see our little one trying to handle upsetting situation better and better in everyday interactions!

sartorially sophisticated Renzo..

When I first found out I was expecting a baby boy 5 years ago, the first thought crossed my mind was, there goes the plan to doll up a little cutie baby girl..

I've never expected 2-3 years down the road, I found it way more fun and fascinating to dress up my boy, oh well I should say to watch my boy dress himself up by picking out his favorite piece from a pile of shirts, for most days of the year regardless of whether there's a special occasion or not.

Believe it or not, I now strongly feel that it's way easier to dress up boys than girls. Usually for girls, mummies tend to overdo it by adding on too much accessories or putting too many styles together at one go as they are just spoiled for choice. Whereas for boys, you can't go far too wrong and a little bit of efforts can make a huge difference.

But I don't seem to have much chance to put my passable fashion sense to use at all, because Renzo surely has his own ideas about what makes him look good. So here are the styles I like, vibrant colors, hoodies, cute cartoon characters, and the small floral prints that totally gets on his nerves, hence I had an angry boy facing me with his back while taking that last picture.

Apparently Renzo prefers more timeless essentials and less trendy items, his fashion sense is rather mature as he doesn't seem to appreciate too babyish look, instead he wants to look smart, stylish, suave and sophisticated, in my eyes at least.

Long pants
He's seldom in shorts and sandals, which is the most common combination of Singaporean kids, and even men. He just loves to wear long pants all the time. He could accept those colorful ones or even funky ones with pockets at the back, but his favorite is still, JEANS!

Buttoned shirts
His all time favorite! And he even shopped online to select his own shirts! And whenever he's in buttoned shirts, he's in good mood to take picture, and often is generous enough to give that one-million-dollar-worth sweet smile!

Jackets
His new found love, indeed he prefers those formal blazers but it's pretty hard to find really nice designs for daily wear. He admits he will sweat in jackets, especially in our hot sunny Singapore, but he still feels it's nice and has requested for me to get a few thinner ones instead.

Accessories
His must have nowadays, he has a few belts, ties and bow ties, and he knows how to match them with shirts based on color contrast. And he doesn't need a reason to put on his shirts, even when he's doing homework!

One morning he put up his belt on his forehead, as we were wondering about why, he made a shield and acted as if he's a little knight!

Once when his grandpa, my dad, invited him for a buffet lunch, he dressed up and even went for a hair cut before heading down to the restaurant, just because he wanted to style his hair nicely to give grandpa a surprise! And another time when we brought him to hotel for a small event, he went "fully armored" with a two toned shirt, a sleek black tie, a smart looking jacket and a pair of stylish jeans, and made us feel completely underdressed in smart casual wear.

Nowadays, I do not buy clothes for Renzo without his permission anymore, and for those which I've purchased without his permission in the past, luckily they could be passed on to his Rynus didi, who is less picky at the moment, though he's also showing signs of personal preference, just like his korkor...

those awkward moments when Renzo makes mummy feel...

Dumb, yes DUMB, that's the word.

I am always proud to tell my friends that my son doesn't know how to talk back, after hearing a lot of vomit-blood-stories about how a young toddler talks/argues back to parents on every single instruction he/she gets, almost everyday. But, I do experience some awkward moments often, when Renzo simply point out something which makes me feel like, why don't I know that?!!!

Tell me how would you feel:

While reading a story about a bear finds a box for the mouse...
(half way through the story)
Mummy: "Make a guess Renzo, what's inside the box? I think, it's a tiny piece of cheese!
Renzo: "I think, it's a house for the mouse!"
(almost done with the story)
Mummy: "ah I know, there's a mirror in the box!"
Renzo: "It's a house for the mouse, Mummy!"
(at the end of the story)
So the story ends like this:

Mummy: "wow how do you know that Renzo?!
Renzo: "I've read it before mummy, and I remember, you've never read that story before right?!-_-"

Apparently about a month ago, my dad bought this book during his trip to Taiwan, and Renzo flipped through the book for less than 5 minutes when he received it from my dad, so, that's how he got to know about it. And he has since never touched the book till recently so we are not even aware that he's read it on his own!

While waiting for some kids program to start on TV...
Mummy: "You keep watching Disney Junior, do you really know what show is this Renzo?"
Renzo: "Jungle Junction.."
Mummy: "Wow how do you know that, the show has not even started?!!"
Renzo: "When you see a lot of animals with wheels, that's Jungle Junction mummy!"

What a precise description!! And he's absolutely right, it's so easy to spot that but somehow despite watching the show with him for 1001 times, I just never really noticed at all...

While talking to Renzo about his day at school in daddy's car...
Mummy: "Did you play with Ashton today Renzo?"
Renzo: "Yup, and I have a new 小朋友 Valerie.."
Mummy: "That's nice! So is Joy Joy still in the same class as you Renzo?"
Renzo: "Not Joy Joy, Joy Shayna Lee!"
Mummy: " Yup I know that's her full name but you all call her Joy Joy since she was young you know.."
Renzo: "Right... orh.. Porsche!"
Mummy: "Por-sher? Who is Porsche? Another new friend in your class?! Boy or girl??"
Renzo: "That's a car brand mummy!!" (Pointing at a black Porsche that just zoomed pass daddy's car)

Hello!! Your mother might not really know as many car brands/models as you do, since car is just not the thing for women, but I completely, utterly, wholly and thoroughly understand that Porsche is a car brand, before I got confused during such a funny conversation with you, my boy!!

I wish I could have jotted down every single detail of such moments with Renzo, yes there are many other similar kind of conversations, and that what's-the-big-deal kind of calm but serious expression on his face, or should I just be brutally honest and say that his "yaya papaya (Singlish word that means arrogant and boastful) face, is always of highest entertainment value to me!