we don't need a perfect child...

During Renzo March school holiday, I treated him and my older niece to Universal Studio and it's a super fun day for all of us. My twin sister and I have very different personalities and being the most adventurous and sporty one in the family, she was having so much fun with her girl, my elder niece. They tried on every single ride in the theme park. And just that horrifying Battlestar Galactica roller coaster itself, they went on it for 10 times!

Renzo and I stayed away from most of the rides. Well I admit, the previous time when we visited USS with Daddy Chan and Rynus, the 4 of us went on the "Puss in Boots" ride without knowing what to expect, and boy it scared us out of our wits, except for Rynus who seemed to enjoy it. So I do know where my limit is, and of course Renzo's too.

Renzo was not attracted by most of the rides there, he's rather happy with the "Accelerator" which is the spinning whirling twirling "cups", nothing fast and furious. He had rounds of good silly laugh watching a live Donkey show, rather kiddish, yes I know that. And he surely prefers the Easter Egg painting time, or simply chasing after bubbles, or taking pictures with famous cartoon characters. For the entire afternoon, he's roaming around the park solving Easter Egg treasure hunt questions. He spent a good 2-3 hours trying to locate all the hidden eggs and by the time he got all his answers correct, he's all sweaty and exhausted but the bright smile on his face, was simply priceless!

So I happened to read an article today on parenting, in Chinese, it says.
敏感的孩子有艺术气质，有极为丰富美丽的内心世界；胆小的孩子懂得判别危险，逻辑性往往很强；好动的孩子体力充沛活力无限，行动力和勇气往往都很强。
It basically explains the different concerns parents have for their children, and interestingly, out of the 3 major concerns, it relates Sensitive = Artistic; Timid = Logical; and Active = Courageous.

Well this is very interesting because we have noticed the homely, introvert, sensitive personalities in Renzo since young. He's definitely sensitive, but he has this knack for drawing, he is observant, detailed and creative in his artwork. He's definitely timid, but he's super logical, he stays away from danger and knows his limit.

Very often, after viewing a video clip or a bunch of pictures of my nieces' achievements, be it that the older niece won a medal in her Taekwando competition, or the younger niece managed to cover a 5 meters distance in her roller shoes, subconsciously, I start to ask myself this question, "even the girls are so actively involved in sports, how about Renzo?". It's not to say that doing sports is a must but no doubt, it helps our kids to grow strong both physically and mentally.

But after reading the article, I start to feel less concerned about Renzo. Sensitive, timid, or active, are supposed to be great virtues in kids but often, we adults see them as problems. And why? Because we compare with others!

We often hear from fellow parents that we should let our kids participate in more outdoor activities, give them more exposures, but likely, those parents are extroverts who can see the importance of such activities and, those introverts like us, won't even speak up and voice their opinions probably. So while parenting our kids, we gradually fall into this trap where we set high self-imposed standard. Whatever other kids can do, our kids should be able to do, whatever other kids cannot do, our kids can at least try!

From the poor kid's perspective, who knows they might be struggling with giving up their own unique sense of self in order to comply, and be the child whom the parents would adore? When I feel it's a battle to convince Renzo to learn swimming, some other kids might find it a piece of cake to self teach the skill by dipping in the pool every other afternoon, but then, who knows their parents are not struggling with getting them sit still in front of the desk and finish reading a 10 pages long story book
 
We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we’d done it ourselves.  But sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. Because in the short term, we might celebrate over little milestones our kids achieved, but we know that what will matter as they turn 25, 35, 45, is not how perfect they once delivered a speech during a class show and tell, or whether they made it to the final round of singing competition, but how they treat others and what they think of themselves. I rather see Renzo building his own character, confidence, strength and resilience, through any form of exposure he enjoys, experience the pride that follows and come out stronger, than to force him to do what we parents think is good for him. Again, as one of my favorite parenting philosophies goes: “Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.”

missing that amazing preschool of Renzo's..

When we noticed that every night as we chat with Renzo about his day in school, he always twitters “goooooooood!” while his voice turns honey sweet at the same time, we know he’s been loving and enjoying his school, very much. 

I know we've prepared him well, he has prepared himself well, but I must say, he really has this amazing preschool that prepared him extremely well! 

I've mentioned previously that he's coping well in school and there was not a single episode of drama happened, such as losing his belongings or getting himself into trouble for any reason. Besides that, academically, he's been loving his teachers and his lessons. He has English spelling and Chinese tingxie tests on every alternate week. And it's a breeze to get him prepared in less than 10 minutes, usually he does not make any mistake on his first attempt since he's learned all those word during class. As of now, the test words are really simple, in fact way easier than those that he has done during preschool.

I have a feeling that he's also missing his preschool life. He attended a childcare friend's birthday party and it's incredible to see how excited the kids are, meeting one another again after their year end school concert since last December. At the same time, he often talks about his preschool teachers with his little brother at home, as they do know all of the teachers despite being in different classes.

And there's one night when Renzo was packing his Chinese word flashcards, I randomly asked him a few words from lesson 4-9, he was on lesson 2 at that time so initially I just wanted to test if he's paying attention during class and knows what was taught by teachers. I realized he could recognize all those words like 喝, 球, 脚踏车, etc.  I asked, "Are you sure your teacher has taught you all these words?". "Yes of course mummy, 杨老师 taught me!" Renzo chirped. And guess what, 杨老师 is his K1 and K2 Chinese teacher during preschool!

A week ago, we brought Renzo back to his childcare for an open house, it's meant for existing students and of course Renzo has the privileged to join in the fun, because his little brother is an existing student. We were rather impressed when we realized Renzo was so well received and warmly welcomed by all his ex-teachers. They showered him with countless hugs and kisses. They even displayed his artwork right outside the door although he's graduated months ago.

Well yes I know I've talked about his preschool again and again but seriously, I am glad that Rynus still has a good 3 years there, otherwise I will be the first one to suffer from withdrawal syndrome, okay I am sure I will when didi graduates in end 2018!

Another self-reflection day for Daddy Chan...

Every time after I snap at Renzo for an act of mischievousness or misconduct, at the end of the day when everyone is asleep, I think to myself in the serenity and peace of the night, what could I have done otherwise in the course of nurturing Renzo to have prevented that action.

It was no different last night.

I was in the living room and giving Renzo an earful for playfully slapping a neighbour's legs repeatedly and tugging at his shirt and not stopping despite my plea when Renzo was at the playground. And I lost it when he started giggling when I recounted the incident to him. No I didn't physically hit him nor did I threaten him emotionally, but I just walked away in disappointment.

I teared in front of my son for the second time in his life. It was one of those moments when you feel like all the efforts put into him has been for naught. When even your serious tone is nothing more than a passing breeze that even the foolishness of a recounted event can take precedence over. As the day moved on, we chilled and I went back to explaining how disappointed I was and what was my expectations of him when in front of people.

One of those days when Renzo becomes the most wonderful brother

Had an evening jog with Mummy Chan after the kids slept and before I went to bed myself, the word "Parenting" kept fogging all my other thoughts until I had to focus on it to clear my mind.

Being the present participle form of a noun (as opposed to the usual verb) makes the word "Parenting" an interesting one. We call the process of raising children, "Parenting" and not "Childrening" for obvious reasons. We, parents, are the one in focus during this life-long process, not the kids. I may not be a child psychologist or a gifted parent, but I believe for my style of parenting to be success, I need to adapt and change how I influence my boys as they grow and at the same time, observe and understand them, and occasionally...just occasionally...accept that kids value fun over everything else.

The most wonderful thing about parenting is how we need to be an advocate the things we wish our kids to be imparted. To encourage them to drink water, we haven't had a pet bottle of soft-drink in our fridge for a while now. To encourage them to practice piano, Mummy Chan mastered a simple version of Pachelbel's Canon.To encourage them to read, I pick up a book every now and then. All these little actions not only serve to be live demonstrations of our resolve, but at the same time, enrich our lives meaningfully.

So looking back at the little fiasco with Renzo, I guess the next thing that I should be doing is to bring him out more often and play with him to show him the boundaries and limits, and letting him express himself in the most endearing child-like ways within those boundaries, until the day he can truly understand the reason why Daddy Chan sets these limits, and together, we can explore outside of this "box".

Because from my perspective as Daddy, this is "Parenting", from his perspective as Son, this is "Growing Up". Like the 2 lines that forms a letter X, these 2 perspectives starts far, but eventually converges when the duo has optimal understanding of each other, and over time, begin to distant again. Renzo, my son, like most others, we are still learning from and about each other but I know that from the day that our perspectives coincide, we can carry on down the path of a letter Y and be in union. :)